What do you do about collateral damage?

Life has a way of molding who you become because of what you have been through. If you are able to function from childhood past which leads to unforgiving teen years that eventually dumps you out in your adult years with collateral damage in your marriage and family life, how do you keep from being numb and suppressing.... How do you control how your body physically has learned to respond to stressful situations? How do you get past the physical state your body has learned to operate a shut down mode to things you may encounter? Suppress push out delete avoid then there is the moments when you have mad state of emotion fear anger aggression suffocation....COLLATERAL uncontrollable damage to the mind and body......cope or heal?